What's going on my SOC gang? First & foremost, I would love to wish everyone a Happy New Year & I can only hope 2008 can be a great one for everyone that is living & in the heavens. I have to say, my New Year's Resolution this year is to become less guarded. It's funny that I'm even making a NYR since I never seem to follow up on it (LOL) but I think this one is something that I NEED to do this year. Honestly, I've had a problem with trusting ANYONE in my life basically my entire life, just because I've been burned so much in the past. Whether it's relationships, friendships, my parents or my family, I got to a point where I just decided to only trust numero uno. Unfortunately, that can be a good thing but also a bad thing. Sometimes, you need time to yourself but you also don't want to end up lonely either. I'm not saying that I am lonely because I'm not but I've always had that fear of being lonely. It's not a good feeling because I've been there before & even though you sometimes say you need no one on your side, the fact of the matter is you do. Everyone needs some type of love, whether it's family or from a boyfriend or girlfriend. I grew up in a very bad environment & I've seen a lot of things in my life that has made me the man that I am today. Whether it's for the better or for the worse, that's for others to decide but for me, I think it's done both. I've grown up A LOT since then but I've also developed some bad habits. Yes, I know we are human & we all have flaws but mine seem to run deeper than some. I guess because of all that I've seen, I have this crazy dark side that eats at me from time to time. I'm still a good person but I do at times revert back to my old ways, which is not good.

But it's been awhile that I've posted a blog so I felt the time was now since I'm going through a lot of things right now. Right now, I just feel as if the walls are closing on to me at this very moment. Really to be honest, the holidays just isn't a good time for me. Around this time, I had a grandfather that died of a heart attack, a cousin that died of leukemia, a uncle that died of a drug overdose (which was something that I ended up witnessing sadly)& with my brother not being around for the first time for the Christmas/New Year's holidays, I'm never or not really in to cheery of a mood at this time of year. Thankfully, my new sister was able to take away that pain for the most part this year but there's still an emptiness that's there. & not only that, my sister got back together with her ex jerk of a boyfriend, I'm having some girl issues myself & with trying to do work & school, it's just feels as if the pressure is weighting down upon me. I'm not depressed or anything (it's hard to make me depressed at all) but it has been very trying as of late.

I just want to say to any of the fellow posters around that I'm sorry if my tone has sound very negative when I've been on. I don't mean to but it's just I'm going through things right now. Thats no excuse but I just would like to apologize.

So I hope everyone haves a great 2008 & thanks for letting me get some things off my chest.

Peace & love,
Greg

This is a question that came from the GH forum on the boards but after responding, I realize that I'm starting to lose that "thrill" in life as well.

 

It just seems as if I've lost that certain "edge" that I've once had. I've always been known by many of my friends as a risk taker & my friends have even called me a daredevil once. I LOVE riding on any type of bikes, dirt bikes, motorbikes, the whole nine. I also like to skateboard too but now those certain activities doesn't seem to mean as much to me anymore as it once use to. I use to think & feel that I was once a risk taker but now, it seems like everything I do now is, how should I say...................routine. That's not the way that I felt awhile back & I don't like feeling as if my life is boring. I've always been a very free-spirit, use & take live to your advantage type of guy but lately, it's like I don't feel that way as I once did.

 

But then again, life is nothing but obstacles each & everyday as well. After what's happened to my brother & seeing what has happened to those poor innocent victims & injured victims who attended or attends VA Tech, it's just put that reminder in my head we must live life to our advantage. It's like my mom say, she always use to tell me that you should spoil yourself at least once everyday & do things that you've never done or just do things for yourself to make you feel like you have some self-worth & take advantage of the experiences that are available in life. She would tell my sister, "If you have more than enough money, you should buy that new dress & maybe even buy yourself some new shoes to go along with that dress. Heck, even if you feel like skydiving or bungee jumping one day, as long as your safe you should go for it", haha.    But that's something that she has told me & my siblings since we've gotten older & I have followed that saying pretty much since my teenage years.

 

It's like the old saying, "Life is too short". & that's why we should all live it up to the fullest. I just needed to say this because I just feel like I need to experience that adrenaline rush that I use to so I can get that certain "edge" back. Maybe I should go skydiving or bungee jumping one day to get that feeling again.   LOL

 

BTW, these smilies are soooooooooooo awesome. LOL

 

First & foremost, I want to send my deepest condolences to the 30 victims’ families & my thoughts & prayers are out to the injured victims & all of the VA Tech students & staff. It's a sad event that should of never happened & I can only imagine the pain that those families of the victims who were killed are feeling.

 

This incident has hit home in a way because my brother was killed about a month ago now by a robber when he witnessed a robbery. The cops have told me that they might never find my brother's killer which is just lazy BS but sadly, I might have to live with the fact that he will never be caught.

 

Watching some of events that occurred on the news at the VA Tech campus when the shooting happened, I began to realize why I think the justice system is messed up. I have to be honest & say that some of the killings COULD have been prevented if a couple of things would have happened. For starters, the security looks horrible there. There's no way someone should have been able to get on campus with a gun. I know at Georgia Tech, we are checked when we show up on campus so there's no way that should of happened. The other part is it looked like the cops showed up late as usual. That's why even before my situation with my brother, I've never been a big fan of cops. I do respect what they do & some of them but I just feel that they are lazy these days & that they could care less about the victims & REALLY upholding the law. You do have honest & caring cops but now it's just not the same. Most of the cops now are just plain rude & they can be so cold.

 

Now, I know that I will probably get some negative responses for this so I just wanted to say that it's my opinion & I respect everyone else's. I know some will disagree but I sincerely hope that you all can see my point of view on this topic.

 

Peace & love,

Greg

 

Today has been such a dreary & dull day, that all I've done is listen to music on the computer so I've decided to make a new entry on music. Haha.

 

The one thing I've noticed while I've been listening to music is that a lot of the music is older stuff. Part of that being is because for starters, I think music has become to mainstream & another is that the music of today just isn't as good. As of this year so far in '07, I haven't heard one great album that I feel like I could listen to over & over to a point were I get tired of it & I felt the same way in '06. Growing up in the 90's, there was so much great music you could listen to & so many classic albums in Rap, R&B, Rock & Pop music that it would be impossible for me to list it all. I remember when I use to laugh when my dad use to say, "The music of today is nothing like the stuff we us to listen to at you guys age" but now the more I think of it, he's absolutely right. If anyone wants to know what are my top 10 songs of all time, here my best 10 songs ever for me & it's not in any specific order:

 

"Purple Rain" by Prince

"Baby-Baby-Baby" by TLC

"Love Gun" by KISS

"That's The Way Love Goes" by Janet Jackson

"Rock With You" by Michael Jackson

"One Love" by Nas

"Express Yourself" by N.W.A.

"You Know You're Right" by Nirvana

"Stairway To Heaven" by Led Zepplin

"Superstar/Until You Come Back to Me (That's What I'm Gonna Do)" by Luther Vandross

 

LOL, I guess some can tell by this list I listen to a bit of everything but that was music a grew up from when I was younger. My bro (R.I.P. Danny) would listen to all of this back in the day so being very close to my brother, it was only natural I would grow up listening to the same music as well.

 

All of those songs in my top 10 are in my I-Pod & did I mention how great of an invention the I-Pod was? I tell ya, I don't think I go anywhere & I mean anywhere without it. There are a lot of days when I take a walk, listening to my I-Pod singing, while everyone is looking at me stupid lol. Basically, my I-Pod is like my most treasured item. I don't know what I would do without it. Haha.

As I went out with a few friends last night to go out to eat, there was some older guy that came up to me & asked me were the people I was with were my friends & I told him "yes". He looked shocked & surprised because one of the guys I was with was black, the other was latino & one of the girls we were with were black as well. It took me by surprise because no one has really ever approached me with a question like that about my friends before.

 

I bring this up because it also reminded me of the other times when I was asked simular questions in that reguard. Like for an example, I was asked one day by a friend do I perfer a woman in any race? I was very shocked by the question at first because I didn't know how to respond to it. But I told him it doesn't matter to me because while physical attraction does play a part in dating & such, I could be into ANY woman & find her attractive after awhile if she was a good person. I've always had the thought that it's all about the inner essence of a woman when it comes to dating more than physical attraction. For most who don't know, I'm actually biracial myself so that's why it doesn't matter with me. As I go out nowadays, I see A LOT more interracial dating than I would even a few years ago. The sad thing is they still get pretty dirty looks from others in our society that can't accept that times have changed. My mom & dad had it pretty bad in the 70's when they dated because back then, it was still a very rare thing to see interracial dating so they would get all sorts of words from others. But even today, you still have some that can't get past the fact that we're all human & that skin color is nothing but just that, skin. The color of your skin does not & should not define who you are as a person but even today, some can't accept others because some was just brought up that way.

 

The whole Imus thing is quite funny IMO & it's not because of what he said, it's because if it weren't for all of the controversy, he wouldn't of even got suspended, let alone fired. Sorry but despite free speech & other factors, he still should of been fired. The fact that the dude had the gall to call most of those girls on the Rutgers Basketball team "nappy headed ho's" was just disgusting. & sorry, but with me, his apologies to those girls don't mean a damn thing to me & it shouldn't of meant anything to them either because this isn't the first time he's said something that bad. He once called a black woman who's a New York Times publisher a "cleaning lady" & he's said that black people are all nothing but "thugs & common criminals". I wonder would he actually feel that way if he did go into the hood one day & actually see that not every black person was bad & not just only black people live in the projects. He was just downright abrasive & offensive with all of his comments & if it wasn't for the fact he made CBS & NBC money, he would of been fired on the spot.

 

All the Imus comment & incidents I have used in this entry shows is that we still have a LONG way to go in our everyday social life.